How I Learned To (usually) Not Be a Jerk

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If you had known me when I was a little kid, I’m sure you would not have liked me. That’s because I was a jerk. Jerk is a bit of an old-fashioned word, but that’s ok, because I’m old now, so I can use old words. But what does jerk mean? Here’s a dictionary definition:

definition of jerk
What’s a jerk?

The definition has some big words in it. It says I was a “contemptibly obnoxious” person. If you are contemptible, that means people have contempt for you. In other words, they really, seriously don’t like you. The simplest definition of obnoxious is “extremely unpleasant”. So, that’s why I say I was a jerk when I was a kid. Most people, especially older kids, teenagers, and adults, did not like me at all. They didn’t like me because I believed that being loud, argumentative, demanding, and generally not nice was sort of like my super power. I thought I should always have my way and if I did not, I would make the situation extremely unpleasant for those around me. It’s no wonder that I was a target for bullies. I was a sort of bully myself.

a little jerk
The little jerk. Always mouthing off.

I was a very unhappy person and I didn’t understand why. People did not like me. Nobody would do anything for me. Nobody invited me to parties or went to the movies with me. Nobody wanted me on a sports team.

So, I bet you are probably thinking that you wouldn’t like me.

Well, maybe you would now, because during the time I was in junior high school, I slowly discovered a great secret. It’s not really a secret. Good parents tell children about it all the time. But it was a secret to me before I discovered it.

little bully
Pathetic little bully nobody likes

What is the secret? It’s so simple you might laugh. I think of it as two lists. One list has things which make my life happy. The other list has things which cause me trouble, make people dislike me, and keep me unhappy.

good not so good

It took time for me to realize that I was happier and things went my way more often when I began to use the GOOD stuff rather than the NOT SO GOOD stuff. I found that people began liking me. I didn’t feel so angry all the time. I also got more of the things I wanted because I was being nice and people wanted to be nice back to me.

Don’t get me wrong. I can still be a jerk sometimes. But now, instead of thinking that’s the way to get things, I feel embarrassed when I am a jerk. I don’t like the feeling I get when I see people looking at me and thinking, “What a JERK!”

I’d much rather be a gentleman. Maybe I still have time to become a gentleman. I got a late start. It’s best to start using The GOOD Stuff early, so you don’t get left behind with the jerks who haven’t figured it out yet.

That’s how a man can live a happy life.

2 thoughts on “How I Learned To (usually) Not Be a Jerk”

  1. Hi. Via one of those roundabout Googling things (cool link leads to cool link eventually leads to totally unrelated cool link) I came across some of your underwater photos from a few years ago, which eventually led me here. Just wanted to say how impressed I was with your work.

    The How Not To Be A Jerk lists are things some people never seem to learn, sadly. I’ve learned most, but even in my sixties it’s still an occasionally ongoing process.

    Glad to see you’re still at least a bit active (and even a fellow Arizonan now).

    1. Yeah, all that was from another life which lasted thirty years. Fortunately for me, I learned most of the hard lessons then.

      I love Sedona every bit as much as Papua New Guinea and it’s light years safer here.

      By the way, I’m sure I could be a friend to a guy with five cats.

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